thoughts....

First of all, sorry it’s been so long since I’ve written. I thought I’d get my lap top and I was putting off writing this until then, but it’s not coming. So here we are…

The months are flying by here, less than 4 to go, it’s kind of unbelievable. After the New Year I really decided that I wanted to make this last half count. It was easy to fall into a habit of “counting down” per say, as to when I’d get home. But as much as I miss home and at some points would give anything to be there, I know I want to BE HERE right now. I want this place to be somewhere I miss and want to come back to and think of fondly. I know every moment hasn’t been fun or easy but I’m growing here and I see God working in my life and I’m am making relationships with some really great people.

I have found some things out about myself that I don’t know if I ever would have seen at home. It’s funny when you’re home and COMFORTABLE and you know your routine, everyone else does too, and how you respond and react to things. And then you get taken out of that and put somewhere else where everything is different and changed, and you have to adjust and confront yourself in many ways. Or, you root yourself in your old ways and find yourself unhappy. I’m not saying I never resort to the comfortable, because I do, and I think that’s almost how we are wired. But I’m trying to think about the uncomfortable and just jump in. I have discovered so many things that I want to work on within myself and I know it’s going to be life long, but I’m so thankful I’ve had this experience to open my eyes to those things.

I’ve recently taken over my Jardin class of 22 four year olds. The teacher I was an aid to had her baby 3 weeks ago. This suggestion of me teaching while she was on maternity leave was brought up about 3 to 4 months ago and never again. Which I was apprehensive about because of the language barrier. Then, on the 1^st day of school, I was informed, in front of all the parents, that would be their child’s teacher. J Talk about surprised! I’ve learned that that’s how things just go and you role with it. I’ve also started teaching 1^st, 2^nd, and 3^rd graders English for one hour three days a week. I do this before I go into my class of energetic four year olds. J This class takes a lot of patience. It’s one thing to teach and try to control a bunch of four year olds when you speak their language fluently; it’s even more challenging when you don’t! But I’m trying to work on staying calm and loving them when they’re driving me crazy, because they need that. Our school is the only place where the majority of these kids get to know Christ. So my goal is to love them and show God’s love to them as much as I can.

At this point I find myself thinking about what it’s going to be like to come home, how different it will be. I know God will help me re-adjust just like he has here. The things I think about are, will I go back to the way I was before because it’s normal, my friendships (they might change or not exist anymore), how will I feel about money? I’ve seen how people live who don’t have much and they’re so happy. I just think about the fact that if I eat a meal at the school and I don’t like it, and am still hungry later. I can go buy something somewhere else because I have that ability and the resources. But, a lot of the people I know here don’t! And they eat it because it’s food without complaints. We have so much and we don’t even realize it! It’s just hard to know a balance in how I should live when I’ve seen poverty first hand, and this is just one example. Also, a job is something I think about. I am coming home and going to try to jump into my career! Ahh!!! That is scary! At times I envy my teammates because they are all going home to go to college, just sounds easier and more fun. J But when I start to worry I try to focus on the fact that God has a plan for me and I don’t need to worry about it. I just need to have FAITH in Him.

There are so many things that I’ve been thinking about and want to share but it’d take a lot of writing. I’ll be home soon enough to share them with you all in person. I’ll leave you with a few quotes from my devotional that have been encouraging…love you all and miss you lots…see you soon!

*When you choose a course along with My will, nothing can stop you.

*Obstacles will occur but don’t be discouraged.

*I create stress when I want a result now instead of waiting for God’s timing.

*When I hope in God I will be protected from depression and SELF-PITTY.

*God is my ever present help when I am weak.

One of my prayers….

Lord, I ask you to show me your path forward moment by moment. I pray you help me to slow down and enjoy your pace and enjoy this journey in your presence.